Realize him, what?
by OyaSUMi-heart
Summary: He's so much more than Loveless' Fighter...my Fighter. I wonder when will I stop fooling myself and realize he means so much more to me. SoubixRitsuka. Ritsuka POV. One shot.


I know, I know. I remember saying once that I was going to only stick to D. Gray-Man. And I know that I'm being all bitchy and not updating. But, gomen ne. I just HAVE to make one Loveless one shot. Even if it's a really quick one. I **have **to.

Disclaimer: Don't own Loveless, but I wish I owned Soubi.

* * *

Ritsuka's POV

* * *

Click. Click.

I don't get why my face feels so hot…

...why my heart's beating quick

…why I'm smiling stupidly at a computer.

It's all because of him.

Everything is because of _him._

I can't sleep? It's _his_ fault.

I can't sit still? It's _his _fault.

I can't breath? It's _his_ fault.

I'm happy?

It's _his_ fault.

I'm not alone…I'm saved…everything is _his_ doing.

I'm sitting here at my computer, looking through memories and the pain of Seimei is edging away. I feel the heat scrape up my neck as I placed my hand gently on the computer screen, on the face with silk angelic hair. My eyelids are drooping and my head feels heavy. Propping up my head on my other hand, I continue to stare. I bet I look so stupid.

**In this world you tried**

**Not leaving me alone behind**

**There's no other way**

**I'll pray to the gods let him stay**

**The memories ease the pain inside,**

**Now I know why**

Click. Click.

The memories flood through my veins. My fingertips can feel the warm atmosphere and my tongue can taste the sweetness of the reminiscence.

It's so quiet and cold. But, it feels like you're right next to me every moment; always here to protect me. It's like I'm always walking with mighty wings wrapping around me, shielding me from all that hurts.

My chest feels kind of heavy, like a 21 ton weight is being placed on top of me. It's been like that for a while now. But only when I think of _him_. It feels like something's blocking the way to my heart's every beat.

I stifle a yawn with the back of my hand as I'm glancing at the time. My mind is fogging up.

**All of my memories keep you near**

**In silent moments**

**Imagine you'd be here.**

**All of my memories keep you near,**

**Your silent whispers, silent tears**

My ear twitches as the minty flavor of the toothpaste slides around on my tongue. Wrinkling my nose tiredly, I move my tongue to side and at the same time bit down slightly.

_Ouch._

I spit out the toothpaste and quickly rinse before I peer into the mirror poking my tongue out.

_Blood._

I'm used to it. But, it still hurts. Where are the mighty angel wings?

A memory is flashing across my mind. I can hear his voice…it's beautiful…

"_It might feel good."_

But what he says pisses me off.

Why would anyone want to have their tongue bitten? It hurts I think as I suck up the salty blood. Watching the pure clear water stream into the cup, I thought about _him_. My heart skipped a beat as my breath drew in sharp. _He looks so much like an angel._

I spat out the water and saw a murky scarlet color slither down the drain, completely opposite of what the original resembled. _Is that like me?_ I'm wondering. _Reminds me of a devil._

Originally, it was so pure…so innocent. After bypassing me, its features became so tainted? I clunked my toothbrush back into the holder as I felt my heart clunk again as I thought of _him_.

**Made me promise I'd try**

**To find my way back in this life**

**I hope there is a way**

**To give me a sign you're okay**

**Reminds me again it's worth it all**

**So I can go home**

Shutting off the light, my heart's skipping with each step I'm taking. With each step I'm taking, sleep is over taking. I'm so tired. It's _his_ fault.

My mind's slipping into a half conscious state as I trudge over to my computer one last time gazing into that face. The face that brings me joy, the face that brings me pain.

I'm clicking save once, twice, and thrice. A couple more times won't hurt. I don't want to lose my memories. Slumping over on the desk, I repeatedly press save five, ten…more times. I will not lose these memories. The heat is spreading again as my eyes glaze over still staring intently at that face in front of me.

I'm dazed? It's _his_ fault.

**All of my memories keep you near**

**In silent moments**

**Imagine you'd be here**

**All of my memories keep you near**

**Your silent whispers, silent tears**

I'm smiling. I can feel it. God, how much more stupid can I look? Fatigue is shutting down my senses as all I have the strength left to do is breath, watch my body plunk onto the bed, and feel my heart beat with such extreme irregularities.

My eyes are half open as I'm snuggling into the softness of the sheets. I can see the warm glow of the picture on the monitor I left on. I still feel the smile on my face although I know it's actually creepy to enjoy having someone stare at you whilst you sleep. But, my heart is telling me otherwise.

I feel odd. It must be _his _fault.

My eyes close more and I can feel the feathery and strong texture of the wings protecting me. It feels safe. I can also feel a strange echoing of a voice in my heart as it continues to beat irregularly.

**Together in all these memories**

**I see your smile**

**All of the memories I hold dear**

**Darling, you know I'll love you**

**till the end of time**

I don't care anymore. I'm really so tired. My consciousness, as well as my sense of normality and sensitivity is drifting away from my head. I wish sleep would just come immediately. This echoing voice is bothersome but warming at the same time. What is it…?

_Too tired…deal with…tomorrow…_ I thought in my exhausted head with slurred speech. Finally, I've reached the point of half asleep.

**All of my memories keep you near**

**In silent moments,**

**Imagine you'd be here**

**All of my memories keep you near,**

**Your silent whispers, silent tears**

"Ritsuka."

I'm sleeping, and I'm still smiling. Wow.

I can hear his voice, so deep…so nice. I just snuggle deeper into the covers as I bring up fistfuls of the blanket under my chin. My mind is completely gone. I have no sense of what's right, what's wrong, what's polite, what's odd, what's logical, and so on. All that's left in my head is raw instinct and secrets in the depths of my heart.

"Ritsuka, you called me."

I felt a hand smooth across the top of my head and a sweet breath scamper across my forehead.

My heart flipped as if declaring that what was echoing was finally here. However, reluctant to wake up from my soon to be deep slumber, I nudged the covers up further so only my eyes could be shown.

"…Ritsuka…?"

Finally giving up, I awoke to face the annoyance pestering me with my raw instinct and secret filled self. My eyelids slowly lifted open, dropping back closed at times before reaching a half way point and staying.

There's a blurry person in front of me, shouldn't I be suspicious and be backing away? And also, why is my heart slowing to a regular thump? My chest feels so light now. Why all of a sudden? Something's going to happen, I wish I knew what…am I bystander to my own body? But then again…I don't really mind, I haven't felt this great for such a long time.

My mind is devoid of confusing thoughts…my chest is as light as a feather…my heart is beating heavy but slow…I feel so relieved…is that also _his_ fault?

"Ritsuka…you called me here."

The warm breath scuttled across my burning face with eyelids half open and a smile on my lips. My head's drawing closer to _his_ face. I feel so steady and so safe when _he's_ here next to me; I know that it's _him_ without having to see clearly in the darkened room. No one else's voice can pierce through my skin and into my heart. _He's_ special. How? I don't know…but every time _he's_ with me, my heart whispers it for every beat.

My face is so flushed yet I'm still subconsciously lifting myself towards _him_, my Fighter…my--what else is _he_ to me? The feeling I get when I near him is so different, I've never felt this before. It's different from Seimei, different from Yuiko, different from Osamu-chan, different from everyone. What's my devious heart know but not telling me?

"…Yes, I've finally called you...Soubi…Loveless' Fighter."

_He's_ smiling. _He's_ happy. I'm happy. I'm smiling. I can feel his emotions pulsing through me so clear as though they were my own.

What's this…? There's a chain, it's thick, glowing dimly , and entwining about us. …Is this-- enough with the questions.

**This is the chain that connects us, we are truly Fighter and Sacrifice.**

**That echo, it was myself calling…**_**him**_**…and responses. **

A hand cupped my cheek as I stared at the flawless face in front of me. Our lips are centimeters apart. My breathing is fast and anticipating, _his_ is slow and calm.

"Ritsuka--"

I was surprised. My lips cut _him_ off. But, fatigue really won me over. I carelessly slung my arms over _Soubi's_ shoulders and leaned against _my Fighter's_ chest. My weary kiss slid over _his_ lips and down his chin slightly, leaving a small wet trail of saliva shining on that face.

"Me too." I'm whispering onto his neck while Sleep began to overtake even my raw instincts. But, my heart's secrets are still running strong and awake. They're going to be heard today, I can feel it. Suddenly, a bright light is shining into my eyes. It's **that chain**. It's glowing so bright, the bonds holding tight. We're connected. Truly connected. We're never to be separated because we are a meant-to-be, Fighter and Sacrifice.

Brushing a last and light kiss against Soubi's neck, my eyelids feel heavier than the 21 ton weights that were lifted off me. I can't stay awake anymore. So tired…only have the energy to say one more.

"Suki dayo."

--

My mind…my everything is no longer functioning for the night but I finally understand. _Soubi_ is more than my Fighter…so much more than that. But for now...

_Oyasumi, you…him…Soubi…Loveless' Fighter…my Fighter…my love. _

--

The outside curtains are closing as the theater to his memories are opening. Tickets are on sale for Aoyagi Ritsuka and the person in those memories with him…Agatsuma Soubi.

_Everything is __**Soubi's**__ fault._

_I feel relieved. It's his fault._

_I feel alive. It's because of him._

_I feel happy. It's Loveless' Fighter's fault._

_I feel loved. It's my Fighter's fault._

_I feel like I'm the luckiest person who ever lived. It's my love's fault._

_Who says it's not good to blame people?_

_I feel like I'm in love, and it's all __**Soubi's**__ fault. _

* * *

Lol. Yeah. Crappy fic. Just wanted to get my idea down. My original idea is a lot more complicated than this, but I really don't have the time. I'm doing this instead of doing the mountain stack of homework next to me T.T My death bed is comprised of homework. Sigh.

Anyways, the song: Memories by Within Temptation

Listen to the song please, it fits SO WELL. I was completely ZOMG when I first heard it in an AMV on Youtube.

Yep. So. R&R pwease! :D It's my motivation for avoiding homework and continuing my fanfics x3 thankies.


End file.
